I had only a few close friendships during my childhood. They were loyal, committed, joined-at-the-hip, do-anything-for-each-other, who-am-I-without-you types of friendships. Before deciding what my favorite fill-in-the-blank was, I felt the need to check in with the BFF first to make sure we were on the same page. Their experience became my experience, their emotions became my emotions. I loved my friends, dogs, and deep conversations. I was a deeply dedicated friend and student. I did well in school, motivated mostly by the drive to not to disappoint anyone. I hated big social gatherings (and still do). I never went to a single school dance, avoided sports events at all costs (went to just enough so I wouldn’t be "that weirdo"), and begged to not have to go to my high-school graduation ceremony. Growing up, my parents and I had an agreement that I had to do one extra-curricular activity, my choice, but I had to do something. I tried all the extracurriculars (basketball, softball, soccer, piano, clarinet, you name it...) but internally crumbled with any form of performance or competition. In sports I tried my best to become invisible - I hid in the outfield, ran just fast enough so that it would look like I was trying but just slow enough that I would be too late to make a play, and turned bright red whenever I got the ball and felt people looking at me. After exhausting all other extracurricular avenues, my mom took me to yoga when I was 14. I was hooked. Two 90-minute classes back to back everyday after school for 3 years. Workshops and trainings every weekend. Finally, a place quiet enough where I could hear my own thoughts and feel my own emotions. A place where I didn’t feel like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. A place where I could be near people and also be alone. A place where I could be seen and also be invisible. A place where I felt intimate and connected, and also felt sovereign and free. The place where I met myself and felt my power for the first time.
p.s. I would love to practice yoga with you! Check out my free practice bundles HERE.