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Why I stopped trying to "control" my emotions

A long, sobbing cry where your whole body shakes uncontrollably. A deep, belly laugh where your face wrinkles and your belly aches. Dancing in public like no one is watching. A primal scream on the mountain top. Playing with your kids without a care in the world. An intimate moment with your partner when your guard is all the way down. Emotional range. Freedom. Expression. Vitality. Life force. Shakti.

Do you simultaneously crave these moments and then resist them when they are here? You feel the cry coming, and hold back. You feel the laugh coming, and hold back. Feel the scream coming, and hold back. Feel the truth coming, and hold back. You start to play all the way, and hold back. Feel the release coming, and hold back. What will they think? What if it’s too much? What if I embarrass myself? What if I offend someone? What if they reject me? What if I break the rules? How am I supposed to let loose if I am the only responsible one holding it all together? What if it all falls apart?

The lump in your throat builds. The tightness in your belly builds. The resentment and feeling of duty builds. The feeling that “something is missing but I don’t know what it is” builds. Desire and freedom feel farther away. The exciting life you know you are meant for feels farther away.

For empaths and folks who have a highly sensitive interoceptive system (the sensory system that gives us information about what is happening inside of our bodies like heart rate, breathing rate, etc.) it makes sense that our relationship to these moments of emotional expression are quite complex, because experiencing the fullness of these moments requires that we learn to hold incredibly intense sensations inside of our bodies.

We have also been told somewhere along the way that we are “too much” and can develop an over-controlled outer shell to hide what’s inside, fit in, and seek safety. The problem is, the over-controlled outer shell that was supposed to keep us safe is the same shell that keeps us small.

In the Sensing Shakti Membership this month, we are exploring ways to become more emotionally embodied, free, expressed, powerful, and alive. I'm done talking about how to regulate emotions. I know you know how to stay calm, how to appropriately manage your anger and grief, how to journal about your feelings. I'm interested now in emotional expression. Do you know how to get angry? How to allow other people to see you cry? How to dance in public (without substances)? How to actually feel the sensations of your emotions instead of just talking about them?

p.s. I would love to practice yoga with you! Check out my free practice bundles HERE.


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