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The longing can be so painful

This year marks my 20th year of practicing yoga and my 15th year of teaching this practice. That is A LOT of warrior twos. 


I started practicing yoga because of a subconscious longing. I was longing for less discomfort, more peace, more meaning, more purpose, more something. And for many years my hunger was satisfied by practicing yoga asana. 


A few years ago, I got hungry again. Really hungry. Really really hungry. And my asana practice just wasn’t satisfying my craving anymore. I kept adding things and trying different variations. Maybe this dressing will make it tastier? Maybe if I add some cheese? Turn it into a wrap instead of a salad? Add some different spices? More salt? The variations helped take the edge off, but my craving for something else, something more, something different was still SO strong. 


You know the saying, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears?” I was SO ready, and luckily, teachers appeared. A breathwork teacher (Michael Brian Baker) and a writing teacher (Diana Vitantonio). With my breath and my journal, I felt a homecoming. Like the one on my very first red Jade yoga mat 20 years ago, but even more profound. Like an essential nutrient was back in my body. Like I walked into a restaurant and finally saw the thing my body actually needed to eat, but I didn’t even know was an option. 


Over the past few years, breathwork and writing have become the backbone of my spiritual life. They have nourished me deeply on every level of my being. My spirit is well-fed again. My hunger has softened. 


To be clear, I am still longing, still hungry, still craving to know life more deeply, to know myself more intimately, to know others more fully (and I hope this longing never goes away, what else are we doing in this life anyways if not responding to that?), but it’s less painful now. The longing can be so painful. 

p.s. I would love to practice yoga with you! Check out my free practice bundles HERE. 


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